Valentine's Day (Part I)

Of all the days to go to Quiznos for lunch.....*sigh* We got these coupons from the office and basically it lets you get a small sub and all you have to do is pay for the chips and drink. Not bad, eh. It comes out to three dollars and some change and you get a whole meal that would have costed you almost ten bucks! So with my coupon tucked safely in my pants pocket, I jumped into my car and drove a couple of blocks to the nearby Quiznos.

Ten minutes later, I'm hustling out of my car, wondering how many emails will be waiting for me when I get back into the office and cursing myself for not having changed into my flat shoes after my oh-so-boring meeting earlier that morning. Steups.....and I'm off, practically sprinting down the sidewalk trying to make it into Quiznos as soon as possible knowing damn well that everybody and their damn momma is already in there because it's lunchtime. And that's when I saw it...and despite the fact that I had been going at about a trillion miles per hour for the whole day, all of a sudden, at that very moment, I froze.

Because my life is the sad, ironic comedy that it is, it just so happens that right next door to the Quiznos was a flower shop. And get this, of all the days to be out on that sidewalk, coupon tucked tightly away in my pants pocket, I had chosen what is undoubtedly the most busiest day for all flowershops in the country (in the world?) - oh yes, Valentine's Day.

I stood in front of the flower shop and stared through the huge glass window with all of it's Valentine's Day specials written on it in red and white paint. There were so many people inside. Soooooooooo many people..... Men and women were inspecting cards, fondling stuffed teddy bears and sniffing gorgeous roses with stupid grins plastered all over their faces; it made me want to barf. I wanted to march into that shop, drag them all out one by one and shove them into the street right in the path of an oncoming tractor trailer. (For those of you whose mouths are now agape after having read the preceding sentence.....oh, well! It's my blog!)

I had truly forgotten it was Valentine's Day. I mean earlier that morning, I had received cheap little V-day grams from a few co-workers but I was too busy answering an email or taking a call to actually pay attention and let it all soak in. Each time one of those telegrams had been delivered, I would jes snatch it out of my co-workers hands, tear open the chocolate kiss that was inside and toss the stupid "I Choo-Choose You!" card that had come with it into my To Do basket on my desk. More emails. More phone calls. More coffee. A meeting. Bam! Lunchtime. And now here I was, still staring at these stupid people in that stupid shop on this stupid day.

A man walked out of the shop with about five red and silver balloons in each hand. Some of them were shaped like hearts. Some of them were just round. Trying to maneuver the balloons out of the narrow doorway, he walked right past me and I suppose it was for the best because had we made eye contact, I probably would have barked at him.

Quiznos was empty. There were a couple of constructions workers at a table in a far corner and a very tall white man was at the register paying way too much money for a "value" meal. I guessed everybody was out having a "nice" lunch with their "special" someone.....

I ordered my swiss and turkey sub and grabbed a bag of Doritos. The lady at the cash register grabbed the coupon out of my hand and drummed her fingers on the counter as I swiped my debit card. She stuck the cup into the bag with my sub and my Doritos and I marched over to the soda fountain and....what?! No Diet Coke?! Steups. I filled my cup with some ridiculously sweet pink lemonade and left.

As I stepped back out onto the sidewalk, I saw the same balloon man leaving the flowershop again. This time, he had twice as many balloons in his hands and as I approached him, I let out a little sigh and helped him with the door. He smiled at me and began to coax the balloons out of the door. I stared at him. He was a young man, about thirty and as I watched him struggle with the balloons, I found myself feeling genuinely sorry for him. Poor guy..... He had no clue how expensive that "small" wedding would turn out to be. He had no clue that his "special" someone's figure would be absolutely destroyed after housing all three of his children. He had no clue that after years and years of the same routine, he would start to find the new girl in marketing sinfully irresistable. He had no clue that in twenty years, maybe ten, he would be up to his neck in debt with divorce lawyer fees and child support. Poor guy.....

He made it out with his precious balloons unscathed and he smiled at me again.

"Thank you."

Whatever.

"That was very nice of you."

Bite me.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you!"

Fuck you.

His car was the first one in the row of cars parked in the lot. I looked on in horror at the black Jetta with all trillion heart-shaped and round silver balloons jampacked in every nook and cranny it had to offer. The man was loading his latest batch on the passenger's side, wrapping the balloon strings around the headrest several times. I had reached my car by now but even after I had opened my door, I turned back around to check on the man's progress. He was now slamming the passenger's door shut and I wondered how the hell he was gonna be able to see through all that rubbish when he had to back out of the parking space. He walked around to the driver's side of the car and when he caught me staring at him, he waved and grinned at me.

I was disgusted. What a dumb fuck! I didn't even feel sorry for him anymore; I was now, all of a sudden, filled with rage.....a sick, unexplainable rage..... I wanted to slap that stupid grin right off his stupid face, but instead, I opted to hurry into my car and slam the door shut with all my might. What a dumb fuck! Poor guy.....

Poor me.